Do I have a man-crush on David Essex? You’re damn right, and I’m not apologizing. I know a lot of people have strong feelings about what they want done with their bodily remains following their last breath. My personal philosophy was put very nicely by the comic, David Cross, “…I don’t care, because I can’t.” If I have any loved ones when I die, I hope they do whatever they think is best and most convenient for them. However, if they want to go through with a lot of trouble, instead of spending all that money on an over-priced box and funeral home and burial plot and deli sandwiches, here is something at least I would be entertained by.
I once read about a procedure that the hipsters in Europe are doing as an alternative to cremation. Lyophilization. This is just the fancy term for freeze-drying. In this hypothetically more environmentally friendly procedure, the body is freeze dried then thrown into a hopper filled with heavy ball bearings. Then the hopper is shaken by a giant paint shaker type apparatus until the remains are basically a fine powder. So, everything but the water is gone and I helped by slowing my carbon’s escape into the environment!
Okay, so if 60% of a human body is water weight, what to do with the 60 lbs of powdered Bill? That’s a great question. Here is what I think would be nice (no, snorting or ingesting of said product will not be considered). On a pleasant evening near sunset, hall my ass up to Elephant Rocks in as many Thomas Coffee cans as needed, gather whoever desires to be present and play David Essex’s “Rock On” on a boom box or giant speaker wall or whatever is handy. Then you can spread Bill-dust across the landscape while Rosie Perez screams “Billy!” over and over, a la White Men Can’t Jump. Like I said, I don’t really care what happens after I die, because I can’t. But, if nobody has any better ideas, I’m thinking this would be a pretty cool way to be sent off.
Here is a photo…
Technical details: Canon EOS 5D Mark II camera, EF24-105mm f/4L IS USM lens @ 24mm, ISO 100, f/14, manual blend of two exposures